3.02.2011

Wednesday Prayers: Failure

One article linked to another, and somehow today I stumbled onto the promo information for the Epic Fail Pastors Conference. I'm going to email and beg them to let me (layperson, spiritual director, wanderer in a denominational no-woman's-land, and perpetual discerner) attend. Go check it out yourself-- I've typed half a dozen different explanations, and can't nail the beauty that I see in this offer of integrity and mutual support.

I cried. I kid you not, I cried. The whole concept still has my heart vibrating with the glory and exhilaration of taking risks, of love and joy and freedom and the adrenaline that rushes when you're elbow deep in whatever it is that YOU DO, and to hell with somebody's metrics for success.

I've been in a rut for the last few months, and I've been... tentative, tepid, circumscribed for longer than that. It's a horrible feeling-- like my self is withering. It's harder the older I get. When I was younger, I didn't have responsibilities to anyone else. Today, there's more pressure to remain a manageable, unobstrusive size (spirit-wise, not pants-wise). Freedom is harder. The risks are bigger.

I'd love to know if the payoffs are, too.

Failure is not nearly as big of a deal as shriveling up.

My prayers this week (and for heaven's sake, please help me out here):
Sin boldly.
Fail spectacularly.

What are yours?

9 comments:

  1. Epic Fail Pastors Conference works because it is a community.

    Big sigh.

    Please lift a pint for me. Or several.

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  2. Charlotte: Yes. On both counts. I think I found it through PB's "Tell the Truth" link, and in both cases I thought, "no one can do this alone." You have Nancy and I-- we're not institutional, but we ARE your community of faith.

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  3. Thank you! I know that. In fact, I love my far-flung community. But I'd like a community with whom I could drink some beer. I don't think that is asking too much! I am, at this very moment, trying to figure out how to host a get-together of like-minded, local people. Thanks for the push.

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  4. I'm laughing a very, very sympathetic laugh. When Dave got the new job, half a dozen people said they were thrilled we're staying local-- and the closest one lives an hour and a half away.

    I truly do understand. Beer is not too much to ask.

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  5. The conference sounds great! And it sounds like you'd be welcome. And it's cheap, although by the time you add in food and lodging, perhaps it looks like an expensive week-end.

    I suspect the Holy Spirit is nudging you--go and see!

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  6. I used to sneak beer onto a certain Christian camp when we dined with friends who worked and lived there. I am such the rebel. peace my friend, and here is too you blooming and not shriveling

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  7. Anonymous10:03 AM

    Thank you for writing this Di. I've been feeling very much the same way. I need some courage to stop shriveling up myself. xoxo, Erin

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  8. Jan: I'm registered!

    ReplyDelete

"So keep fightin' for freedom and justice, beloveds, but don't you forget to have fun doin' it. Lord, let your laughter ring forth. Be outrageous, ridicule the fraidy-cats, rejoice in all the oddities that freedom can produce. And when you get through kickin' ass and celebratin' the sheer joy of a good fight, be sure to tell those who come after how much fun it was."
-Saint Molly Ivins