I've been getting these wonderful nurturing messages encouraging me to listen lately. To God, to myself, and to others in an intentional and kind way. It's healing and encouraging, because what I'm feeling pulled towards is trust in my own ability to hear. Not seeking someone else's translation, but listening and hearing for myself. Sounds obvious, but I've spent a long time letting other people superimpose their hearings onto my perceptions. There's wonderful ownership and self-love in giving yourself permission to hear on your own.
I'm thinking a lot about this in terms of vocational call, because in TEC we place such a lot of emphasis on discerning in community. It can make one too eager to please, and also a bit distrustful of one's own gleanings.
My new spiritual director is encouraging me to notice the things I read that seem to resonate, because we hear the beginnings of our own inner voice that way. Thich Nacht Hanh talks about deep listening to others in True Love, which I've just read smatterings of. All around me I'm feeling quiet nudges to open my own ears.
(now the ears of my ears awake
and now the eyes of my eyes are opened)
-e e cummings
5.08.2007
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"So keep fightin' for freedom and justice, beloveds, but don't you forget to have fun doin' it. Lord, let your laughter ring forth. Be outrageous, ridicule the fraidy-cats, rejoice in all the oddities that freedom can produce. And when you get through kickin' ass and celebratin' the sheer joy of a good fight, be sure to tell those who come after how much fun it was."
-Saint Molly Ivins
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I can relate to this post, particularly when it comes to preaching. Sometimes I am scared to death of trusting my own interpretation of a scripture, like you wrote, "distrustful my own gleanings." I'm still learning to trust my own voice and not run too soon to the commentaries!
ReplyDeleteGod bless you, Mrs. M, as you continue to cultivate your authentic voice.
(Completely beside the point- I've got a 9 letter long word verification here! It's a dyslexic's nightmare!) (Which I failed at getting right! A nice 5 letter long one now!)
A beautiful, thoughtful post. Thank you. It very much resonates with me. I, too, am listening. Learning to trust my own voice. Finding my own voice. I love your spiritual director's suggestion to pay attention to what resonates when you read. I always underline when I read and it's such a cue into a deeper level inside. Someone once said that highlighting is a form of prayer. I laughed when I heard it, but kind of true!
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