Something that occurred to me last night was actually something that I learned from him: that Anglicanism has been intentionally broad from the very beginning (an attempt by Elizabeth I to get Catholics and Protestants to stop killing each other), that tolerance and acceptance are supposed to be fundamental parts of our beliefs. This person taught me this when TEC began dealing with the Rt. Rev. Robinson ordination, and he's a vocal proponent of this idea.
I, too, believe that tolerance and acceptance are vital. I believe that we all need to stay at the table, to listen and share repectfully. Maybe this is where the rubber hits the road. I think I need to go into this being both as forthright and kind as possible. (At the end of the day, I'm not responsible for his reaction. I am responsible for what I bring to the discussion.)
I'm disappointed with myself that it's taken this long for me to be willing to approach him this frankly. I've been frustrated with him for well over a year, and I've tried to make myself open up to him, but I've never really addressed the issues that I felt needed to change. It's only now, when I've become so uncomfortable that leaving the process would be preferable to continuing without change that I'm able to have this discussion. (Staying in the process might be nice, too, and I'm not ruling that out as an option quite yet.)
Lesson learned: Respecting myself, my own voice, and dealing in an open way is more important that anything someone might be able to hold over my head. I'd love to be a priest, but if I have to choose, I'd rather fully live into the woman God created me to be.
RevGals are reading Rob Bell's Velvet Elvis, and in his chaper on Healing, he shares the following words from his therapist:
Your job is the relentless pursuit of who God has made you to be. And anything else you do is sin and you need to repent of it.
For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world, and forfeit his soul?
Many prayers for you as you find yourself in the midst of what is clearly a process of huge growth for you -- and growth into being able to address these kinds of situations is essential for whatever ministry you find yourself in.
ReplyDeleteCourage to you, Mrs M. I'll be praying for you that this meeting goes well...that you speak your truth.
ReplyDeletePeace and courage, my friend.
ReplyDeletePrayers that God's strength and peace will be with you, sister, as you take this step in your journey.
ReplyDeletePraying for you hard! This was a good realization for you to come to, and something I'm totally still working on.
ReplyDeleteOh, man. That's a big ole thing. I'll have you in my prayers tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteIt's Sunday afternoon and I keep checking back... .
ReplyDeleteIt's Sunday afternoon and I keep checking back... .
ReplyDelete