The Nick of Time

I'm aware this week of how often God meets our needs at exactly the right moment-- sometimes before we're aware of the need.

I mentioned last time (and I may have mentioned before that) that I'm very intentionally trying to learn to take better care of myself, and to let go of the problems of those around me.

I began this effort about a month ago. All of a sudden this month-- KAPOW! someone I've close to has gone round the bend. It's amazing to be learning new skills for how NOT to try to rescue this person. There have certainly been times in the last could of weeks when I've had no idea what to do-- in which case I've just shut my mouth (definitely a new thing for me).

What a huge relief. It's amazing to let go of responsibilities that weren't mine in the first place.

New Buddy

Meet my goat buddy. Saw him at the Etown Fair last night, knew this was the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Help!

OK, so I added the RevGals link to my sidebar, and now my sidebar is my bottom bar. Oy. Someday, I'm going to get the hang of this...

Sanity

Or, the lack thereof.

I'm going a bit nutty, and those around me are right in the thick of it.

Several years after my friend Mrs. P, I am on a "Boundaries" kick. Not so much the book by Townsend and McCloud, just the basic concept of taking better care of myself and backing off my attempts to take care of other people. This, in itself, is a very sane concept.

But I've having a really hard time figuring out how to establish those boundaries in old relationships. If I've said no to you six times, I'm not being mean, but I really do mean "no." If I don't feel comfortable discussing something with you, I'm not excluding you, I'm just respecting my own privacy-- or that of others.

This is an excellent time to learn how to set boundaries well, kindly, and respectfully-- early in discernment. It really is trickier than it looks,though. I've begun to notice how much subtext there is in discussions I thought were relatively straightforward: people hinting around what they want, getting angry when I come straight out and say no.

Joke

Couldn't resist, here it is:

A mother woke her son up on Sunday morning and told him he needed to get ready to go to church. The son replied to his mother that he didn't want to go to church this morning. She told him nonsense he should get up and go to church.

"But mom" he replied, "Everybody hates me, the sermons are boring and none of my friends ever come."

His mother replied, "Now, son...! First, everybody doesn't hate you, only a couple of bullies and you just have to stand up to them. Second, the sermons mean a lot to many people. If you listened to them, you'd be surprised at how good they are in helping people. Third, you have lots of friends at church. They are always having you over to their house. And finally, you have to go, you're the pastor!!"

Juggling Calls

I want to be a mom. I've wanted to be a mom longer than I've wanted to be a priest. Now is not the time-- but neither are the next ten years, my mentors tell me.

As the wise Mr. M says, "The one thing that I have learned about life in the past few months is that there are always choices and alternatives and that they can be explored."

I'm trying the one-step-at-a-time approach to discernment, which is working-- I don't feel ready for seminary yet, but I do feel ready to intern. So, since it's time to intern, I'm OK.

But you can't do pregnancy by degrees, it's pretty much a binary state.

Here's the thing: I don't mind doing family and school in a non-traditional way (seriously, I'm a woman of childbearing age seeking the priesthood: there AREN'T any traditions in place for this!). What's hard for me is that I'm experiencing a lot of pressure to follow a precise map, and I'm having a hard time dealing with that.

Admission: I've also been working on my out-of-control desire to keep everyone happy, and this may well be an area where the rubber meets the road.

Pray for wisdom and courage for me. And serenity.

Thanks, friends.