10.15.2008

Transition

Thanks for all the warm words. I feel peaceful and relieve by my decision to resign, but telling people about it is really hard.

Hard to tell the Episcopalians-- IRL friends and blog friends, alike. I've started to tell members of my parish, and that's a bit scary. One fantastic man was so supportive I wept. Others have offered stories of people they know who went on to flourish somewhere else. A discerning deacon told me about someone she knew who went from TEC to being an ordained Baptist! There's precedent, and I'm grateful for those who are sharing what they know of it. I'm hearing a good bit of disappointment-- not judgement, but disappointment.

Hard to tell the friends who aren't church-y, hard to express why this is a big deal, and what's going on exactly.

And, since I'm in limbo, I feel a little awkward here in my beloved RevGal circle. I really loved my church. You know what? I still love it. I'm still leading evening prayer on Monday nights (yes, there's a future post coming about how in the heck to unentangle myself). In this liminal space, am I still a part of church-y things?

The external, interpersonal is tough right now, but the internal, intrapersonal/spiritual is wonderful. I have a wonderful sense of being carried, and of waiting with expectation. (Would it help to say that I've entered a personal time of Advent?) There's mystery and wonder in this time, but it's hard to share. I feel so strongly that this isn't the beginning of a new book, just a new chapter. Do you mind sitting with me even when I can't show you what God has next?

6 comments:

  1. Disappointment, yes... but trying to "walk the walk" of honest discipleship is challenging enough without trying to do it in shoes that don't fit.

    Go with God, sis... and may the Spirit's grace surround you as you continue your journey.

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  2. I'd be glad to sit with you. A "personal advent" is a great way to describe it.

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  3. add this to the list... the minister who caught my soul on fire, started as a Southern Baptist and switched to the United Church of Christ. Peace be with you.

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  4. It's an honor to sit with you as you wait on the Lord. It kind of seems that this what it's really all about, this being church to one another...the denom stuff is just all human construct after all, yes?

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  5. Oh, but of course. I am right here all the way. I can't wait to see what God has for you.

    I hope it will feel ok to continue to let that loved parish be your church and your home as you make this transition.

    And RevGals - my gosh, as you know we are all sorts of things, so I hope that home won't feel awkward at all.

    much love!

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  6. Oh yes, I'll sit with you. And, as you know, I am a RevGal who can totally relate to what you're going through. You can hang out with me until you no longer feel ackward...and afterwards, too.

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"So keep fightin' for freedom and justice, beloveds, but don't you forget to have fun doin' it. Lord, let your laughter ring forth. Be outrageous, ridicule the fraidy-cats, rejoice in all the oddities that freedom can produce. And when you get through kickin' ass and celebratin' the sheer joy of a good fight, be sure to tell those who come after how much fun it was."
-Saint Molly Ivins