I should say from the very beginning that there are a lot of factors conspiring against me, making this a very uncertain time in my discernment. They include:
- I really want to be a mom. A good mom.
- I’m very, very worried about my transcripts.
- I’m very, very worried about funding.
- My bishop wants my seminary applications in by January. Which means I’m going to have a lot less time than expected to study for the GRE.
And most importantly
- I keep thinking, “What on earth am I doing?!”
I’ve talked to Mr. M. He’s the most supportive man on earth. He is not, however, the most forward-thinking one. Bless his heart.
I could not sleep last night. Tossed and turned, wondering where I really should go next. Finally got up and read/prayed for a while. Came to the conclusion that “Less anxious, more grateful” should be a goal for a while, and maybe that will clarify my thoughts.
Somehow yesterday I felt like if I wasn’t a mommy by… well, August would be 40 weeks… the world would come to an end. Today 31 seems like a reasonable age to hatch a little Episcopaling.
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"So keep fightin' for freedom and justice, beloveds, but don't you forget to have fun doin' it. Lord, let your laughter ring forth. Be outrageous, ridicule the fraidy-cats, rejoice in all the oddities that freedom can produce. And when you get through kickin' ass and celebratin' the sheer joy of a good fight, be sure to tell those who come after how much fun it was."
-Saint Molly Ivins