It may be a week. I have an appointment with my bishop tomorrow, and my mom flies in on Thursday.
I'm much more comfortable with myself and my call than I was the last time I met with anyone official, but I'm still feeling a bit scared of The Process. He and I will be meeting one-on-one, which has never happened (usually one's rector is present, or in the other instance, the large Commission on Ministry). Please hold me in your prayers. Mostly, I just want to feel held close to God in this-- the rest isn't particularly important. I know myself well enough to know that perspective and trust can be hard with people who outrank me. Hard to trust myself, hard to remember that God is bigger than The System. (My bishop seems to be a very good person, I just don't know him at all well. I don't always feel clearly heard, and The Process has been a bit rough at times.) I feel like I'm headed to Oz.
And the last several visits with my mom have not gone at all smoothly, so please keep me in your prayers there, too. She'll fly in Thursday, and head back on Sunday.
Thanks, guys.
Update-- Last night, as I was falling asleep, I heard that funny, cliched question all Spiritual Directors ask: Where is God in this? I thought about it for a while, and came to the conclusion that not only was I going to be OK, but that all is well.
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"So keep fightin' for freedom and justice, beloveds, but don't you forget to have fun doin' it. Lord, let your laughter ring forth. Be outrageous, ridicule the fraidy-cats, rejoice in all the oddities that freedom can produce. And when you get through kickin' ass and celebratin' the sheer joy of a good fight, be sure to tell those who come after how much fun it was."
-Saint Molly Ivins