I usually run after work, because
1) I'm not very coordinated first thing
and
2) I really hate to leave all of the soft
but this evening I'm meeting with my spiritual director, so my run was going to have to be before work or not at all.
It was gorgeous. I'd forgotten how wonderful it is to do something for yourself before you do all of the "have to's." I didn't go very far, about two miles, but it was beautiful and peaceful. I saw blue jays sitting in brilliant orange trees, and the early sun warming the houses. I've been listening to Alison Krauss's A Hundred Miles Or More, and there's a line in Country Boy that talks about how the boy doesn't have much money, but has silver in the stars, and gold in the morning sun.
Today, I shared the gold in the morning sun, too.
I took a little quiet time for meditation last night (I was feeling buzzy, a clear sign that I need to center). I acknowledged to God that I feel a little ridiculous about this marathon idea. Is it possible that I take things too far? I don't just want to run, I want to finish a marathon. I don't just want to be an Episcopalian, I want to be a priest. I don't just want to do well on the GREs, I want to know WHERE MY OTHER 40 POINTS ARE!
Maybe.
So God and I chatted about that. (A therapist and I will likely chat about it, too.) For the time being, if I can infuse these things with God and with love, I think they'll be OK. If I can't, it's time to reevaluate.
Internship's End
16 hours ago
(((Mrs. M)))
ReplyDeleteI don't think you are at all ridiculous- not about the marathon and CERTAINLY not about your call to the priesthood.
But all of it is secondary to the fact that you are a precious child of God. I have a tendency, like so many of us do, to define my worth and sense of self through my accomplishments. Trying to be the best always ends up making me feel like the worst.
I'm glad that you got to revel in the sunshine this morning. Love you!
Iris-- it is exactly that notion-- that I am a precious child of God-- that takes away the buzzy-ness in my quiet time. Thanks for the reminder from you, too.
ReplyDeleteWow, the run sounds amazing, and two miles seems pretty long to me,a non-runner.
ReplyDeleteGod is always seeking us, its great to have moments where we relize that God's pursuit is out of love, not to take us behind the wood shed. Don't give up, onthe marathon, or your calling!
The run sounds wonderful. Plus, I'm impressed that you actually run!
ReplyDeletehey thanks for cheering for me the other day.
ReplyDeleteand... i hear you...
good for you for running and taking centering time...
a friend trained for and ran a marathon recently (in her late 40's after not running since middle school). she found it to be a great spiritual discipline.
perhaps it will be for you too...
Yeah... i want to know where those 40 or 60 points on the GRE's went too... let me know if you find them.